I write about failure a lot.
Or at least, it feels like I write about it a lot. And that’s because I fail a lot. Like, a lot a lot. In fact, it gets so tiring that most of the time I just don’t even try. Because when I do try, I build myself up to just knock myself back down. That cycle is exhausting in its own right, but I have a blog, and that means that cycle is public.
Like this blog entry. Where I seem to be continuing this cycle of announcing something large that I haven’t done yet, frantically running around trying to finish it, only finishing half of it, giving up, and then apologizing weeks afterward for my lack of foresight, or my flakiness, or technical difficulties that in turn convince me to just not try anymore. So I don’t try.
And I’m exhausted.
But I have to write this. I have to write this this time to try and break the cycle. This week I’m going to try and bounce back from this failure. Bounce back from all the failures I’ve had this past year, the past few years, you know… Since the beginning of time. And finally forgive myself.
I think the hardest part of this whole cycle is the beginning. That’s where I come up with an amazing idea that can redeem myself from the embarrassment and anxiety of just having too much on my plate. I get inspired by people who make six figures blogging or YouTube-ing full time, and I take whatever they’re doing and pursue it head on. I tell myself, “well, if I just stay up until 3am every night and don’t go out with friends… or shower… or rest, I will be able to do it.”
It’s the hustle. Except it’s the most unintelligent hustle any creative, entrepreneurial go-getter could hustle. I jump in with an inflated, unproven plan. I’m sure, CONFIDENT, that it will succeed.
And then one bad thing happens, and I fail.
Not this time. Oh no. I’m so done. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of thinking short term, thinking (dreaming, really) big picture and way ahead of myself.
Instead of starting the cycle again with another large, over indulgent idea that would only succeed if I already had a basis of consistency, content, and loyal audience under my belt, I’m going small. Small and consistent.
I am also not going to announce anything. Fuck that. (Whoa, the first time I’ve cussed here…) Let’s see if I can do bare minimum before I can allow myself to make any grandiose announcement that assumes I have myself together.
This is how I’m bouncing back.
How do you bounce back after failure? Are your failures public, like mine? I ironically think to any presidential candidate right now and wonder if they feel the same way… Please comment your advice for those of us who can’t seem to understand how hard work happens (oh, just me?), or let us know if you’re bouncing back after a recent failure.